Why Do we Sometimes chose unhealthy Relationships To Healthy Ones?

Samantha Inests
Human Rights Fellow
Founder/Executive Director
BeaSister2aSister

We are all guilty of liking someone who we know isn’t good for us but the physical attraction can outweigh the reality check we get when the physical turns ugly. In our quest for finding the “right man” or our soul mate to share our lives with we run into quite a lot of impostors along the way. It’s not always easy to discern who is and who isn’t the right one but instead of jumping in with both feet and eyes closed, we should be asking the right questions and taking time that might be lost once you come to the realization that this should have never been, but by that time, it’s too late.

You should ask yourself do you want a man whose real or one that is fictional? Prince Charming, Knight in Shining Armor and Hero are all characters in a story book-not real men. Real men are flawed, imperfect and don’t always save the day, just as we as women have our own flaws and imperfections but how do we know which one of those flaws or imperfections that we see in men won’t turn into pain, regret and harm? It can be difficult because men can wear just as many masks as women can and to try and see behind it is a true challenge. I have seen a lot of my girlfriends go through really unhealthy relationships, some violent some more verbal and controlling than physical, but most will stay. Why? Because when we look at ourselves in the mirror we don’t see someone whose worthy of a healthy loving relationship with a person who is right for us and who will love us for who we are. Maybe it’s what happened in the past that is now rearing it’s ugly head into our present and future or a dysfunctional upbringing that caused us to believe that we should feel lucky any man would want us or watching our mothers get put down and beat down by the only image of what a man should be, shapes our future partners which leads to more unhealthy relationships with men.

Culturally speaking, many women are forced into marriages that often times than not turn extremely abusive and end up fatal. These women don’t have the choice of deciding what kind of relationship they want, they take what’s handed to them by their family. In the patriarchal system of their beliefs, women are seen as property that cannot make decisions for themselves and therefore are like children that need to be controlled by men. It’s a fair point to say that all of their relationships are unhealthy and may stay that way. For those of us who have the freedom to at least decide who we want to be with is a daunting task but can be overcome when we see ourselves as valuable. If we give into familial bondages that caused us to feel unworthy or societal pressures to look a certain way then we have lost our potential and will never thrive the way were were meant to.

The media’s mainstream harm of women through pornography or porn-like situations and images have made it extremely hard for women to appreciate themselves let alone find a man that will. This type of negative imagery can destroy the self-esteem and confidence that women desire to have more of and in turn causes them to be more critical of themselves and never want to strive for more or even think they deserve better. The man of their choosing will reflect that. If we focus not on the things that will hurt us but the things that will empower us, then we can move forward with a healthy attitude and attract healthy relationships while being able to spot the ones are harmful to us physically, mentally and emotionally. When we let go of what was done to us, our culture and our upbringing, we can begin to love and value ourselves while healing from past wounds. If we make this shift, everything else will fall into place as we continue to change our self perception and the right relationship will present itself.

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Women And Revolution is blog designed to raise the issues that are affecting women all over the world while giving it journalistic value. W.A.R is a division of BeaSister2aSister a 501(c)3 non profit that helps survivors of human trafficking, domestic violence, exploitation and abuse break the cycle of interdependency and become self sustainable. if you would like to earn more you can visit our website at http://www.beasister2asister.org or you can email us at info@beasister2asister.org. If you are interested in seeing women and girls everywhere break free from interdependency, please consider donating online as a one time or sustainable donor. We are committed to seeing every woman walk in total freedom.

BeaSister2aSister

“Being Accountable For Every Woman Around The Globe.”

Religious Leaders & The Pill

Human Rights Fellow
Founder/Executive Director
BeaSister2aSister

Sometimes you can’t talk about abortion with talking about the pill aka birth control or as some of the religious hierarchy call it-“The Abortion Pill”. The church and society at large who put organized religion above everything demonize women who use birth control citing that they hate children, babies and motherhood. Nothing is further from the truth. Women going on birth control is largely viewed as a women who doesn’t want children but that’s not always the case and as we’ve seen no contraceptive is 100% full proof in preventing pregnancy. Using the pill doesn’t mean you goal is to not have children, it could be tied to a menstrual issue like never ending bleeding way past your period that can lead to severe anemia or if not treated can be fatal. It can also help to shrink cysts in the ovaries or uterus that can be cancerous. Unfortunately these topics are never discussed.

I remember the first time I went on the pill. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to get pregnant or end up as a single mom, it was because I had a very unhealthy menstrual cycle which led to polyps that in turn led to a never ending menstrual cycle which left me scared and weak. I had no idea what was happening to me because I never experienced it before. I went to countless doctors (when I had insurance) to have tests done and everything seemed fine, except I couldn’t stop bleeding. Finally I couldn’t just sit there so I took myself to the emergency room where the nurses where caring and understanding to my fears and assured me everything was going to be okay. After laying in a hospital bed for what seemed like an eternity, a white male doctor came over to me, looked at my chart, made a face said “You have an irregular period, just go to your OBGYN and have her put you on birth control to regulate it.” It was as if I was a waste for time for him but to me I thought I was going to die. So I went to my gynecologist and told her what happened, she was less than pleased with that doctor and said “I’m not going to just throw pills at it if it’s something more serious”. So more tests, just to make sure, and a low dosage of birth control was prescribed for me.

Once I went on pill things changed, the bleeding ceased and I felt normal again. I wasn’t going to die, I will live. The reason why I say that is because women’s reproductive rights have become a criminal issue in this country to the point where women are practically dying for it. When religious leaders are part of the decision making process on women’s bodies you can be sure the outcome is less than female friendly. The ideology that women should just deal with it and if they lose their life then it must be God’s will. I can assure you it’s not. It was God that opened up a way for me to stop bleeding as I’m sure he has for many women, man twists it so he can have control and regulate what woman can and can’t do with her body. Check your faith gentlemen, no where in the bible does it say that a woman shall be ruled by a man and not have full autonomy. Stop using God as a tool to hate on women. It is a human right to be able to have access to comprehensive reproductive healthcare, do we need a UN charter stating that to legitimize it? Language is a powerful thing and when used improperly can cause misconceptions and miscommunications that have dire consequences. Maybe if we change birth control to female wellness care we wouldn’t be attacked so much, but I’m sure they’ll find a way.

The bottom line is the pill still exists thankfully, and many women of faith still use it for various reasons other than they are trying to prevent getting pregnant. It’s not evil or going against the word of God, it’s taking care of yourself so that you can have healthy children when you’re ready or taking care of an issue that can lead to further problems later down the line. I will never apologize for using the pill to help me feel better and be healthier and neither should you.

Thanks for reading!! If you like this blog, please share it or subscribe to it.

Women And Revolution is blog designed to raise the issues that are affecting women all over the world while giving it journalistic value. W.A.R is a division of BeaSister2aSister a 501(c)3 non profit that helps survivors of human trafficking, domestic violence, exploitation and abuse break the cycle of interdependency and become self sustainable. if you would like to earn more you can visit our website at http://www.beasister2asister.org or you can email us at info@beasister2asister.org. If you are interested in seeing women and girls everywhere break free from interdependency, please consider donating online as a one time or sustainable donor. We are committed to seeing every woman walk in total freedom.

BeaSister2aSister

“Being Accountable For Every Woman Around The Globe.”

Women Who Live In A Privilege Desert

Human Rights Fellow
Founder/Executive Director
BeaSister2aSister

We can’t talk about the haves & have nots with out talking about privilege or lack there of. In a society where everyone is running out to get a degree not knowing if they would use it or not, but hoping it will give them the better life they were promised once they became thousands of dollars in debt. But it’s all worth it until your unhappy again, so you get another degree thinking that it will take you further, give you more money and a happier life. Your still thousands of dollars more in debt but now you have a better job because that piece of paper that is worshipped by so many has brought you where you want to to be. That’s privilege. The reason why I say this is because not everyone has access to obtaining a higher education let alone paying for college and going into debt. This affects more women than we could have ever imagined. The routes that some women and young women take to get to that type of privilege is a road I hope, other woman will never experience.

Route #1

You come from a struggling family, your parents work more than one job and you’re just getting by. Your dream is to go to college and get a good job so you can help your family and yourself get out of poverty. You don’t qualify for a grant or a loan and getting a scholarship is a highly competitive arena. There’s no one related to you who can give you a financial hand. You try getting a job but it doesn’t pay much and it’s not enough to go to school. At this point you become desperate and are willing to try anything. You look online to see if there is a solution that will help you pay for college and one of the first things that come up is a website for young women in your situation looking for a “Sugar Daddy”, no physical relationship, he’ll just help you pay for college. All you have to do is accompany a married man, with daughters possibly your age, to dinner and a night out in between studying and writing papers. Even IF nothing is going on your still having an affair and the result is the same.

Route #2

You want to be an artist. You have a favorite art school you want to apply for but you know even if you get in you’ll never be able to pay for it. One day you are walking in the neighborhood of the school trying to figure out how you will pay for it. The first thought is a job but it has to be a GOOD paying job which is not heard of when your trying to go to school. You need money now and a lot of it. Then you pass a place that looks like a bar but you realize it’s not, it’s a strip club. You’re about to look away and cringe when something catches your eye, a sign that says pay your way through college here. These places are that bold and that callous. You feel like you’ve exhausted every opportunity, it’s fast money and you can make a lot in one night. You rationalize. Then you do it not understanding the long term effects on your social life, your mental and physical health as well as your ability to move forward in a career. Not to mention the possibility of being trafficked. You must know that most men that pack these places work in industries you’re trying to get employed in and they will remember you.

Route #3

You came from a broken home of violence and dysfunction. Maybe you were kicked out, abandoned and unwanted for a number of reasons. Either way you’re alone and need to take care of yourself. This is your last year of high school that you hope to complete and was looking forward to going to college. Now that your situation has changed the dream of how you are getting there has changed as well. This route, unfortunately, is the most popular route amongst young women in this time when they are in desperate need. It is also a highly debated one with feminists shouting each other down. Sex work. I’m not going to get into the politics of it, I’m just going to talk about how some young women turn to that lifestyle and why. Sex work is not a decision that is made when there are a variety of better options out there for all women. It is a decision made out of circumstance and need. A lot of young women of color turn to sex work mostly because they were never offered other alternatives to get their life on track. There are no programs to prevent young women from turning to sex work. If there are, they need to re-evaluate their system. The bottom line is most women turn to sex work because it’s hard for them to find a job i.e. unable to get a degree or not the right school or no experience because they were never given a chance. The list is a long one but it all ends up at the same house, your not good enough or smart enough or worthy, sex work is where you belong. These lies have kept so many young women from reaching their potential as leaders in their communities. It’s a cycle that some are having a hard time breaking.

These three roads are what keep women and young women in the privilege desert, a place where opportunity can’t reach them. We need to turn that desert into a city with an abundance of open doors swinging wide for all women to succeed in some fashion based on their skills and talents putting them on a level paying field with those who have had opportunity come to them without even seeking. Being able to live a life where a woman can provide for herself without dehumanizing herself is not a trivial desire, it’a human right.

Thanks for reading!! If you like this blog, please share it or subscribe to it.

Women And Revolution is blog designed to raise the issues that are affecting women all over the world while giving it journalistic value. W.A.R is a division of BeaSister2aSister a 501(c)3 non profit that helps survivors of human trafficking, domestic violence, exploitation and abuse break the cycle of interdependency and become self sustainable. if you would like to earn more you can visit our website at http://www.beasister2asister.org or you can email us at info@beasister2asister.org. If you are interested in seeing women and girls everywhere break free from interdependency, please consider donating online as a one time or sustainable donor. We are committed to seeing every woman walk in total freedom.

BeaSister2aSister

“Being Accountable For Every Woman Around The Globe.”

Living On Mount of Zion

Human Rights Fellow
Founder/Executive Director
BeaSister2aSister

The Middle East has always been a scene of violence, war and bloodshed it has forever been ingrained in our psyche that the place where it all began has now become the place where it will end. Images of bombs, bodies ripped apart, children in hospital beds and homes completely destroyed. That’s one side of it. Across the way there are beautiful deep blue waters and sandy beaches, restaurants, hotels, shopping, etc. beaconing one to come visit and have the time of your life. Poolside parties with revelers dancing, laughing and enjoying the night sky. That is their world all of the time. This is where they are safe from people who are not like them, people who they swear are terrorists and hate them. The people they are referring to are Palestinians. Once again we are back to the same age old conflict whose fire has not burned out but has only ignited further. This time however, the flames of politics and zionism are engulfing other nations into believing the lies that basically almost of the the Middle East should be Israel.

In places like Bethlehem and Gaza, the wall that separates Israel from Palestine is covered with graffiti from artists to revolutionaries both decrying the political and human rights crisis that have hurt or killed many Palestinians over the years. The Israeli occupation has made life unbearable for many families especially sick children and their relatives to leave their homes so that they can receive medical attention. In fact, it has been so suffocating that you, as a non-Israeli or Palestinian, can be banned from that part of the Middle East for years before the the Israeli government will let you in. That is the message that Netanyahu’s zionist party is sending the world, if you are a humanitarian worker and are helping Palestinians-not Israelis, you don’t belong there. That in itself is a grave human rights violation. Palestinian women know the struggle all too well.

Leila Khaled was one of Palestine’s most controversial revolutionaries. Her role in the hijacking of TWA flight 840 in 1969 gave her rise to public attention and put her on the map as an icon of the Palestinian Liberation Organization. She later took part in another hijacking with a Nicaraguan-American named Patrick Arguello in an attempt to hijack a flight from Amsterdam to New York in 1970. Patrick was killed and Leila was arrested then released in exchange for hostages. At 75 years old, her legacy lives on in Palestine. Her image is on everything from murals to t-shirts, a documentary was made about the famous hijacking and she shares the same stage as the late Che Guevara. One would wonder what she thinks about the current situation of her people. Leila is a hero and will always be in the eyes of a people who are victimized on a daily basis. Women like her fill the need to demand justice no matter what it looks like.

Palestinian women have been in the struggle for many years, from 1882-1967 with the zionist settlements being the first stage to the creation of Israel in 1948 as the second stage until finally the end of the war in June 1967 which led to the Israeli occupation of the West Bank and Gaza which continues to oppress many Palestinians to this day. Women are caught in the middle of many peaceful protests only to be beaten and killed by Israeli soldiers. We may never know if there will ever be a solution or if conflict will end but one thing is for sure, there will never be peace living on Mount Zion.

Thanks for reading!! If you like this blog, please share it or subscribe to it.

Women And Revolution is blog designed to raise the issues that are affecting women all over the world while giving it journalistic value. W.A.R is a division of BeaSister2aSister a 501(c)3 non profit that helps survivors of human trafficking, domestic violence, exploitation and abuse break the cycle of interdependency and become self sustainable. if you would like to earn more you can visit our website at http://www.beasister2asister.org or you can email us at info@beasister2asister.org. If you are interested in seeing women and girls everywhere break free from interdependency, please consider donating online as a one time or sustainable donor. We are committed to seeing every woman walk in total freedom.

BeaSister2aSister

“Being Accountable For Every Woman Around The Globe.”

Rape Culture: Some Men Just Don’t Get it

Samantha Inesta
Human Rights Fellow
Founder/Executive Dir.
BeaSister2aSister

We are now living in a time where rape has become acceptable because of the mechanisms that have been put in place in our society to keep women at a lower caste than men. The misogyny of your grandfather’s era has reared it’s ugly head in the modern world where technology is more insidious and unforgiving. Locker room talk. boys will be boys and the ever popular “Oh it’s just a joke, get over it” has become the anthem for so many young men now that it sounds like a broken record. In reality this behavior is dangerous and has the leanings of a serial rapist or psychopath. The #MeToo movement all over the world has decried rape, sexual assault and abuse numerous times only for this disease to get worse. Why is it getting worse? Because some men just don’t get it.

Call it patriarchy, misogyny, dehumanization etc. it all lives in the same house-male privilege. Whether they were coddled growing up by a mother who was taught that she must serve every male in her home or the father that introduced this toxic behavior to his son while normalizing it. Either way it’s still doing as much damage now since the beginning of time. The paradigm shift may be occuring in some parts of society but it has not hit the male brain that refuses to change. However, there is a fix that can be implemented and has been suggested time and time again-other men. Men who have walked away from the social norms of what a “Real Man” is and have embraced women a valuable, equal and human. This is not a hard concept. Women have made amazing contributions to society, they are mothers, sisters, daughters and wives. When you put a woman in the category of disposable, all women become that way, even the ones in your family.

What makes a man want to harm a woman who going about her day running errands, taking care of her family or maybe even shopping, basically living her life? What is it about her that makes some men want to destroy her spirit, her will and her life? The reasons are all around us. Pornography, forced prostitution, human trafficking, the sex trade and the list goes on. This is what normalizes their behavior and makes that believe that they are justified in their actions and it’s okay to feel the way they do. None of it is okay and it’s hurting not only women and girls but whole families, relationships and marriages. Are these men willing to pay the high price that toxic masculinity has to offer them? Loneliness, being ostracized and never know what a healthy relationship or marriage is like. They will always live in dysfunction comfortable in their treatment of women and what it does to society. They just don’t get it.

Thanks reading, if you like this blog please share it! BeaSister2aSister is a 501(c)3 non profit That helps survivors of human trafficking, domestic violence, exploitation and abuse break the cycle of interdependency and be self sustainable. Our programs help them to be free from systems that keep them dependent. If you’d like to find out more, please email us at info@beasister2asister.org or visit or website @ http://www.beasister2asister.org. you can also donate to help more women and girls to find their path to self sustainability.

BeaSister2aSister

“Being Accountable For Every Woman Around The Globe”